the roof of paragon is nice, but i still prefer the roof garden of suntec.. bball everyday for 2 weeks liao. sometimes i feel overload. haha. kuang ngee told us his reasons for leaving us now.. but then i just thought..couldn't he like at least have taken us thru next year.. sigh, we can depend on no one now.. like go to nationals without a coach? it's a nightmare. like is it even possible.. sigh again. it's crazy lah. screw rj man.. what's their problem? it's all a show.. ok, shall not get pissed off over this.. can't let it spoil my mood. felt good last night.. dunnoe lah. today was another bball day.. shit, is my life all about basketball now?? wtf. yeah cramping all over now.. playing pj on tue.. can't see how we can manage it.. confidence isn't all that high.. not after i freaking missed a bloody open underbasket.. was so pissed off with myself. need to build up my confidence again.. and get more practice.. like spend hours shooting the basket. yep. i want to do it.. oops, tomorrow hafta do pw.. still haven't thought of a place.. hmm.

my nose's still running.. damn uncomfortable. felt quite sick the day in school.. the cold lectures din help. think it was tyhe rain yesterday.. and plus the fact that my entire body is aching.. so skipped pe to go home sleep.. was okay. well, i realise i do not exactly know what i want..i mean my future.. what i wanna do.. where i can do it.. and the rest. perhaps i'm worrying too much.. some things may be out of your hands.. but you can't help thinking about it..sometimes i admire those people who know what they want and work to achieve that.. hmm, i sorta have some vague sort of an idea what i want. but there are just so many things to consider too.. yep. certain limitations. sigh, sometimes i do not know where i'm heading.. and it's not a nice feeling..

my heart skipped a beat there.. don be soft-hearted on certain things..oh yeah, pity i couldn't join the others for dinner today.. would have been a renuion of our first gathering session. shit.. sigh, screwed up.. bet i missed out. shit. oh, training tmr. first one without a coach.. see how we react. it's just that it feels weird knowing there is no one to guide you and correct your mistakes you know..but guess it's a chance for us to brush up our basics.. which really really isn't there yet. we'll have to do a lot about it. starting tomorrow. and fitness hasn't even come into the picture yet.. it's something i personally have to improve much on..very very much actually.. i don't wanna feel disillusioned about bball really.. but the facts aren't beautiful.. coachless, no sec4s, lack of funding, zero experience.. i won't bother listing everything out.. realistically speaking, i just want to prove everyone wrong.. the widespread opinion that we really suck. it's up to us to change this view. miracles only happen to teams who try. so push yourselves to the limit, help each other if possible.. shit, this suddenly led me to thinking a lot.. think there are lots of undercurrents in this team.. at least from what i see.. you know what i mean.. everything.. not everyone is comfortable with everyone..and stuff.. i really can't elll how much it's gonna affect our team.. it could potentially be dangerous.. and doubt we'll have the time to remedy it. we just don't hang around enough.. maybe these few days we've been playing and stuff and a few of us dinner.. but it really isn't enough.. a real team would spend almost all their time together.. be really close.. glad to hang out with one another..help around in every area.. you know, that ideal scenario. which is unlikely to materialise to be very frank.. two years is way too short..and point is we don't even have two years.. closer to two months. so we don't have the luxury of building up this togetherness and feeling of being a team. a team. we'lll have to make do. try not to get onto other's nerves.. i for one am not exactly happy.. think you can tell yah? maybe not i'm so good at hiding how i feel.. don't worry, i'm extremely fine with almost everyone.. a few brothers.. damn, i've been so slack playing these days.. dunnoe why don't feel the motivation to go for the ball, snatch the rebound, shoot the good shot.. think i play more like a small forward now.. hmm. ok, enough about bball, life's more than that.. and i applaud you if you made it till here, and you're not a basketballer.. yeah. there's more to life than basketball? hmm. definitely. aiyah, i keep telling myself i'll do it.. then i tu and tu.. will hafta soon man...know? its tricky, i know. it never was easy.. some call it a game..i'm not so sure but i want to be a winner. i give my best. sometimes i do not know what's going on.. whether.. whether this, whether that. keep finding myself asking what's the yardstick anyway, actually i there is no such thing in these matters i suppose.. only now can i say that. but i still think and think. and think. that's why sometimes i'm so tired.. it's not physically you know.. your mind wears down your body. it affects the whole you. should i get back to my book, so should i go get some sleep.. something worth pondering.

God bless me.

i don't know what to make of my promos results.. i am not satisfied. really. i know i could have done much better.. or.. i'm approaching the scary thought that maybe i'm not smart enough? damn, it's rj i swear. makes most people feels so darn stupid. i suddenly feel so angry now. this is education man, not some shitty competition for let's-see-who-can-stuff-more-information-into-your-head.. dunnoe why i'm feeling so pissed.. cuz i din do well for promos.. God bless you.

how come i don't feel anything? no i'm not talking about results.. it's the exams i know.
ok, on to exams. will say i screwed it up quite bad. different ppl have diff expectations so yeah.. i'm pissed at myself.. i don't know, is it cuz i din push myself enough? think i did? well, i really don't know how now.. wanted maths and chem s papers badly.. and i can safely say that it's for interest.. of course there's the small fact about two s papers and scholarships.. yep so i hope my appeal's successful.. but with a low B, i really don't know.. i'll try damn hard. pls give me a chance lah.. should be saying that to school admin. how the shit did i get myself into this mess? over confident? think i'm damn smart? screw off. if you're smart, the whole world's geniuses. wtf.. this time will wake me up man.. take nothing for granted.. work hard, and when the good results come out, you can be rightly satisfied. so yeah, i really want the chance to work hard. need to build up my confidence again.. get some roxy results man.. on the other hand, glad you did well. congrats. bah, i'm really confused i'm not thinking.. yeah.

i like this picture though it's a little blurry.

hi. i also do not know what to say. you mean a lot to me..

never did dare dream high for rj bball.. don't think i'll start anytime soon. recent happenings could prove to screw us up.. but guys don't get me wrong.. i still have hope in us.. we'll still do fine. it all depends on how we react to all this. we have two choices. one, to lie down and die. two, pick ourselves up and get a move on. i prefer the second. so let us get together and come out of this stronger. turn this to our benefit, impossible as it may sound. have faith in ourselves. we get out of this, we can achieve much. it's up to us. heads up! no point crying over spilled milk. a new guy can only do so much. we'll have to start now. this is for real. guys, we're a team.